I'm sitting in front of my computer, ready to write and I'm writing a story which I really love and think is going quite well and that damn little voice in my head starts in. This is crap. You don't really want to work on this now. It's so quiet. Why doesn't the world out there make some noise?
How about some music?
It's the silence. I feel alone when I write. The characters are not engaging me today, not making me feel that rush of life I'm making on the page because I'm not making it well. Not today. Maybe I should take off today.
NO.
I'm hungry. The dog is asleep on the floor five feet from me but I look at him (is he actually snoring? should dogs snore?) and I know he wants to go for a walk. The poor dog needs a walk that's obvious. Or maybe he needs to be taken to the vet because should dogs snore?
Anyway, the truth is I'm very hungry. Maybe I should go out for breakfast, come back, start late today.
Anyway, this manuscript I thought was so good, working so well, this morning is crap. What was I thinking?
Why write anyway? It's too hard and too lonely.
The words on that page are not bringing a story and characters to life. They're sinking ships. They're a graveyard of wrong words and failed attempts.
I need to take a little time off and evaluate. Maybe I need to work on characterization. I could write up some sketches.
I could turn on the TV, check my email, check my phone.
You know how this goes? Time passes, I lose focus, I get angry with myself or disappointed or both, and no words or few words and not my best words get to the computer page because THE VOICE is stopping me.
I don't have a solution. All I have is this: I know that voice. I know it's there and I know what it's trying to do. And I know it's me that is that voice, and I know I have to silence it and the noise it creates to get back to doing what I love. The only way I know how to do that is to go back to the page and write and after some struggle, eventually, the voice will be drowned out by the words on the page and I will fill the silence with my words.
That voice is me and I'm the only one who can silence it and I can only silence it by doing.
