How To Fail At Writing A Novel: Write Without Passion

 HOW TO FAIL AT WRITING A NOVEL

WRITE WITHOUT PASSION: a sure way to fail as a novelist

 

If you want to ensure your novel falls flat and fails to captivate readers, one surefire approach is to write without an ounce of passion. Passion is the secret sauce that transforms a mediocre story into a page-turner, but if your goal is to fail spectacularly, it's best to steer clear of it entirely.

 

When you sit down to write, convince yourself that "pretty good" is good enough. Embrace mediocrity. Resist the urge to really try to give your characters passion for what they’re doing. After all, who needs to strive for excellence when you can settle for average? For example, instead of crafting a gripping opening line that hooks readers, opt for something bland like, "It was a day like any other." Or, when describing your protagonist, forget vivid details and unique quirks in favor of generic traits like  “she’s nice" or "she’s smart."

 

As you progress through your story, make a conscious effort to avoid anything that might make your pages come alive. Steer clear of exciting twists, intriguing characters, or profound revelations about relationships or personal growth. 

 

If a character's backstory threatens to add depth and complexity to your narrative, quickly gloss over it or, better yet, omit it entirely. For instance, if your main character has a dark secret from their past, don't explore how it shapes their actions and motivations. Instead, pretend it never happened and keep your story as one-dimensional as possible.

 

Most importantly, if you truly want to fail as a writer, do not care about your characters. Treat them as mere puppets, devoid of emotions, desires, or yearning. When you're indifferent to your characters' fates, it will be impossible for readers to form any attachment to them. Why should they invest in a story when even the author doesn't seem to care.

Above all—whatever genre you write in and whether your style is playful or serious—you’ve got to fail to make a connection with your reader if you want to fail. Don’t try. Don’t consider that every page needs to be compelling. Just write without passion and remain apathetic toward your characters. Create forgettable moments. That’s the way to failure.

 

My last seven novels are part of a series of humorous supernatural horror/urban fantasy novels. The series is titled Strangely Scary Funny and they’re my most popular series by far. These books, by nature,  are lighter than fiction that demands more serious exploration of certain themes. But I still do my best to give my main characters desire for some goal important to the story and events and other characters who get in the way of this desire. I set up important situations, in other words. I make something happen on each page that involves the reader in whatever my characters are struggling with. You do not have to write “deep” “serious” fiction to approach your writing with passion. But, of course, if you do have passion, just be aware that your chances of failure decrease significantly. 

How to Fail at Writing a Novel: Write Characters who don’t have desires

 How to Fail at Writing a Novel: Write Characters who don’t have desires

Characters are the heart of any novel. As important as story and setting and narrative voice and language are, without characters a reader can connect with and care about, your novel is most likely not going to engage the reader. Alas, many aspiring authors fall into the trap of creating flat, uninteresting characters that lack depth and motivation. If you want to fail at writing your novel, create characters without wants or needs.

Great characters are driven by their desires and, at a deeper level, something they need. Take, for example, the iconic character of Elizabeth Bennet from Jane Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice.” Elizabeth’s wants and needs are clear from the outset: she wants to marry for love and needs to support her family, to keep them safe from the threat of poverty and loss of social standing. Her desires drive the plot forward and make her a relatable and engaging protagonist. Another example is Katniss Everdeen from “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins: Katniss’s primary need is to protect her family, particularly her younger sister, Prim. She wants to survive the brutal Hunger Games and return home. Need is deeper than want, but both are important. These desires drive her actions throughout the trilogy and make her a compelling, relatable protagonist. A third example is Atticus Finch from “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee. Atticus wants to uphold justice and teach his children the importance of empathy and equality. He needs to defend Tom Robinson, an innocent black man, in a racist society, even though it causes him to endanger himself and his family and have much of the town turn against him. 

In contrast, characters who lack wants and needs fall flat on the page. A powerful plot will be weakened by characters who aren’t developed. Readers will struggle to invest in these characters because they have no reason to care about their journeys or outcomes. A lot of bad action movies or thrillers fail in this way. Maybe they have a pretty good plot, but if the audience doesn’t care about the character, they don’t really care about what happens to him or her. 

To fail at writing your novel, create characters who are content with their lives, who have no burning desires or unfulfilled needs. Write characters who are passive observers rather than active participants in their own stories. By doing so, you’ll ensure that your readers will quickly lose interest and set your book aside.